The dreaded phone call has been made. I am free of the tyranny of deadlines, but surprised at how sad I was when the call ended. In my worry over my partner's potential disapproval, I hadn't given much thought to missing regular visits with a friend of two years. And she respected my decision, although I think I surprised her a little.
I have yet to feel the relief I'd hoped would come once the call had been completed. Maybe that's a sign of deeper change. And I'm resolved to continue our friendship. I've gotten an e-mail from her already!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Goodbye to Goals
Tomorrow morning, I'm going to have my monthly phone meeting with my success-team buddy.
We've been a team of two for about a year. I've had some successes but lately, I've been experiencing huge resistance to completing goals by the appointed deadlines. In some cases, I've concluded that pursuing a goal will not take me in the direction I really want to go. In others, the goal pertains to a personal interest. But tacking on a deadline kills my love for it. During our meetings, I sometimes find I'm censoring my true feelings, or agreeing to her suggestions to please her.
So tomorrow, I'm going to ask if we can take a break from regular goals. I have faith my creativity will remain, and some interests return, even if I'm not reporting in regularly. And I think she is in a place that meets many of her personal goals, so she may agree to the break.
On the other hand, she may be disappointed in me and I hate that prospect. Still, I believe it's worth it to see what happens.
But I'm dreading our talk. Hopefully, I'll be able to get some sleep.
We've been a team of two for about a year. I've had some successes but lately, I've been experiencing huge resistance to completing goals by the appointed deadlines. In some cases, I've concluded that pursuing a goal will not take me in the direction I really want to go. In others, the goal pertains to a personal interest. But tacking on a deadline kills my love for it. During our meetings, I sometimes find I'm censoring my true feelings, or agreeing to her suggestions to please her.
So tomorrow, I'm going to ask if we can take a break from regular goals. I have faith my creativity will remain, and some interests return, even if I'm not reporting in regularly. And I think she is in a place that meets many of her personal goals, so she may agree to the break.
On the other hand, she may be disappointed in me and I hate that prospect. Still, I believe it's worth it to see what happens.
But I'm dreading our talk. Hopefully, I'll be able to get some sleep.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Toddling Through New Territory
Welcome to my search for a life I love, and the surprising discoveries I’m making as I sort through what I want, what I “should” want, and the powerful motivation to please everybody.
For a number of years, I’ve been working with exercises created by Barbara Sher: Most notably, imagining and writing out your ideal day. Thanks to Barbara’s work, I am free of what could have been years in a career I didn’t care about. But I still have great difficulty laying out what my ideal day would be. Even in imagination.
Last year, I also began studying the Alexander Technique, originally as a way to address a nagging shoulder problem. To my surprise, this technique is a powerful way to expose harmful belief systems just as it exposes harmful physical habits. It’s helping me see some obstacles I didn’t know were there.
As I’m writing this entry, I’m enjoying freedom from stubborn, obstructive beliefs, but I’m not sure how to proceed without them. So I’ve started this blog to help me through this unexplored territory, and maybe even get where I really want to go.
I hope you enjoy the ride.
For a number of years, I’ve been working with exercises created by Barbara Sher: Most notably, imagining and writing out your ideal day. Thanks to Barbara’s work, I am free of what could have been years in a career I didn’t care about. But I still have great difficulty laying out what my ideal day would be. Even in imagination.
Last year, I also began studying the Alexander Technique, originally as a way to address a nagging shoulder problem. To my surprise, this technique is a powerful way to expose harmful belief systems just as it exposes harmful physical habits. It’s helping me see some obstacles I didn’t know were there.
As I’m writing this entry, I’m enjoying freedom from stubborn, obstructive beliefs, but I’m not sure how to proceed without them. So I’ve started this blog to help me through this unexplored territory, and maybe even get where I really want to go.
I hope you enjoy the ride.
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